A sweet smelling rant

Gentlemen – you’ll just have to take my word for it that the below won’t interest you at all. You are of course welcome to read it, although I should warn you that it contains the V-word at least once.
Ladies – please read on, tell your friends, link to this post, leave a comment and, most importantly of all, write a similar letter of complaint here. All will be explained by the below, which I have just submitted to the Proctor and Gamble/Tampax website.
Hi there,
I’m afraid I have a complaint. Two, in fact.
Today I went to the Boots to buy some Tampax Mini’s, or “Lites” I now realise they are called. For all of my life these have been in a box with a pink colour scheme, but I was very annoyed to see that you have changed that and I have in fact ended up with a box of Supers – not what I wanted at all, and not something my vaginal canal is thanking me for. I have to wonder why you spent many years imprinting a certain colour scheme on your customers, only to confuse us into mistakenly buying the wrong product with an unannounced change to such a fundamental part of your packaging design.
However, this is by no means the worst discovery that I made today…
When I went to to use one, I smelt a vaguely floral smell that I didn’t recognise. I thought perhaps the office manager had bought a new brand of soap or I’d brushed against someone who’d just applied perfume. I did, I admit, sniff my newly unwrapped tampon and it did indeed smell a little, but I thought to myself “oh no they wouldn’t have done, not with something used so intimately”.
But oh dear – how I wrong I was. You really have. Really. Really? Honestly? Tampax?
You are one of the very few brands upon which almost all women rely on on an every-day (every month, for the rest of the forseeable future) basis. As such you have a duty to not only remain a brand that we can trust and rely, but also to treat your customers, all the hundreds of millions of them, with a modicum of respect.
This does NOT mean buying into the utterly absurd notion that the natural smell of a woman’s vagina is in any way bad, undesirable or strange, and that it should be masked with artificial fragrance. Altering your product sends a very negative message to women – that perhaps we smell bad, or that we should worry that we might, or that menstruation and the change in body odour it brings about is in some way unnatural. Not only that, but why on earth would we want something that has been soaked in an extra bunch of chemicals sitting inside us for hours, leaching its faux-flowery weirdness into our bloodstream?
It also begs the one very obvious question – who the hell’s going to smell it anyway? Do you think we get home, put on our finest [skanky black period] knickers, apply a smear of hot red lipstick and beckon our partners with a freshly painted nail and a come-hither pout? Only to have him leap up from the watching the footie, jump over the sofa and slide down in front of us, lop-sided Labrador grin plastered across his face? Puh-lease.
I am so angry about this that words, at least the eloquent and amusing ones I am so capable of writing (being a smart woman who realises quite how ridiculous this whole thing is) are failing me. So I’ll be brief – I would like a refund on the £2.99 I have just wasted, and in return I will offer you my promise that I will never buy your brand ever again.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,

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1 Response

  1. Felicia says:

    Too funny. I gave up on Tampax long ago, opting instead for the generic Walmart brand. The box has always been blue and no perfume has been added yet – although, due to my olfactory issues, I can’t smell much of anything (but that’s another story). They are made by the same company, I’ve found. I was not about to pay extra for the marketing of the national brand because I’ve now got tuition to pay…

    But that pink thing has always bothered me – especially since it has become the color of the breast cancer movement (gag me, please – because there is nothing pink, feminine or cute about BC, trust me). And the marketing of products for women dipped in pink absolutely sickens me. It’s like they think we’re stupid or something. Just put it in a pink box and women will buy it, no matter how stupid, useless or ridiculous it is.

    But perfumed tampons are beyond stupid. Ha! Thanks for sharing, F…